Well Jeff and I could stay home all day, every day and not feel guilty! Thank you Level 2-4 Covid-19.
But it was a strange time for over 70 year olds. Isolation to a people person is an unusual time to say the least, no more sharing smiles, “and one smile does make two” so there was a shortage of smiles, not only flour and toilet paper! Hugs and conversations were also missing from everyday life. We couldn’t go to the supermarket and try and find some there, best place to look was towards the footpath outside our house and watch the many young families walking by instead of driving!
This time did bring back significant memories of my time as a young child in Auckland Hospital for many weeks with a kidney disease in 1950. I was confined to a single room to begin with and then a large ward where I could talk to other children from our beds. Visitors were limited, only my mother and grandmother. I didn’t see my father, brother and sister for many weeks until I went home. No going outside but we could look out window and see male patients in the TB ward enjoying the sunshine on a huge deck. “ It’s not fair, why can’t I go outside?”
We also had to check our cutlery and if it had TB engraved on it we had to give it to a nurse as we might get infected, cutlery was special to TB wards. My first experience of isolation, social distancing and sanitisation!
Jeff, who has vascular dementia found isolation difficult to begin with especially from Level 2 onwards as his routines were all gone! What day is it? Shouldn’t we be going walking today? A blackboard displaying day and date did help answer some of his questions. The teacher coming out in me! During Level 1 and 2 I was able to drive Jeff to our beach reserve and sit in the car and sip a hot drink and watch the waves roll in and talk to friends through the car window. It was a little strange to see a Police car drive by checking to make sure only those who were allowed to be out and about were obeying the rules. I was able during Level 2 to walk Daisy our dog up and down our street keeping our two-metre distance. We were lucky the sun was shining most days so this did make you feel good and not too isolated.
Jeff derives so much enjoyment from attending his Dementia groups. No more exercise from walking around the Auckland Botanic Gardens on Tuesday morning with Daisy our dog, sharing coffee and conversation with group members. We had to hang up our dancing shoes and no more music and movement and reliving our youth and the time that we meet our life partner on the dance floor. No more, “ I’ll keep changing partners until I’m in your arms again,” on a Wednesday afternoon at Te Tuhi Pakuranga with the dementia dance group.
Jeff getting his sports clothes ready, Doreen baking muffins (she has done that for many years) on a Thursday ready for Friday Men’s Group. Friday is a time of jokes, coffee and conversation and modified sports and exercise, a time when the wives and carers are able to have time-out at local shopping mall and share experiences, but all that was off the list. I missed the conversations with other carers on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Dementia Auckland helped by enabling the groups to stay connected through “Zoom”, this was wonderful as everyone could see and hear each other even if we couldn’t hug. This was a time of conversation, quizzes and sharing our lives.
Electronic devices were a great asset at this time as we could email, phone and communicate with family and friends and keep safe. As many people were out walking during Level 3 and 4 and not driving cars we were able to converse with them from a distance. The park bench at the front of our house with the sun beaming on Jeff and I was a wonderful viewing platform to watch the many families out walking or riding bikes together.
What did I do instead, well I got my knitting needles out, donned my apron and did baking, the kitchen smelt divine, all those jigsaws puzzles, reading books, the sun was shining so I spent time in the garden, very relaxing and therapeutic. We did miss family gatherings when we could share time with our children and grandchildren over a meal. These are always special times for Jeff when he is able laugh and talk with his grandchildren. No hugs and kisses. A dementia person can feel isolated and it is even harder for them when they are confined to home. No car club outings – another great time to re-live the good old days of Morris Minors and his youth.
Family and neighbours helped us get through the lockdown period by communicating regularly with us and doing our shopping. I could email my order or leave my card and list at the door and wow before long bags of goodies arrived. Much better than on-line where I heard of many mix-ups of goods, and very late in the night deliveries. An elderly neighbour ordered 2 potatoes and received 2x2kg bags.!
Our street had an email list of all residents and we were able to stay in contact and care for each other through this wonderful medium by way of regular emails sent to all, which included recipes, photos and more.
When we were allowed to begin leaving home and joining groups again it felt like we were on holiday in a foreign country. Hand sanitiser at shop doors, sign-in books, how far away from others should we stay, what are the crosses on the floor for? What are all those signs in black and yellow? Oh dear this was all foreign to us.
It was great to share our time with cousins and friends in other parts of New Zealand and locally by way of phone conversations, it was amazing how everyone had time to talk now, no “I have to head out to this that and the other activity or work.” We loved talking with young children over the fence and being part of their daily life as all schools were closed. I was able to ask a recently widowed young neighbour to help with our groceries shopping and clear our post office box. This provided her with a wonderful sense of purpose and helped fill a void in her life. A win, win situation.
Being over seventy, we felt we were a forgotten group, locked away out of sight and out of mind of government and society. Make them stay home and we won’t have to deal with a mountain of issues.
More focus seemed to be on young families and those now not able to work. I guess they are the future not us oldies who have been there, done that and contributed to society and are now a liability!
On the plus side we had a call from our local MP’s office (Opposition) because we were over 70 and checked that we were coping and provided us with a phone number should be need any help.
Well what an interesting time it has been for one and all. I wonder when our borders will open up and also those around the world and people can travel and holiday here and overseas?
Well I think my letter/ essay is complete! Stay safe and well.
As Pablo Neruda wrote in 1957
This time is difficult. Wait for me.
We will live it out vividly.
Give me your small hand:
We will rise and suffer,
We will feel, we will rejoice.
Now we need each other, …
So let our difficult time stand up to infinity
with four hands and four eyes.
It was wonderful during Covid-19 to witness people helping and caring for others to stay safe and well.
Warmest regards
Doreen (76 years old) and Jeff (78 years old)
1 July 2020
